Love Jesus Not Your Genitals

Masturbation: the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, esp. to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.
 

God loves you. He doesn’t mind that you have sex… as long as you’re married. But he doesn’t want you touching yourself in sexually provacative ways. This according to the Passion For Christ Movement, a sort of Hip Hop Christian organization aimed at the black communities, and Jesus thugs 4 life. Last year they launched a campaign to sell “Ex-Series” t-shirts, and this hilarity is only now coming to my attention. Now don’t get me wrong… what they’re doing isn’t a bad thing. It just hits me in a funny way. Especially the other t-shirts that they have for sale:

Ex-Slave? Really? I know they mean “…slaves to our passions and pleasures”, but are we that far evolved in the tearing down of racial walls. Doesn’t this seem a little bit… I don’t know… off to you? And the “Ex-Bisexual” guy still looks confused.

DaSouth, a Hip Hop Christian Magazine, also wrote an article the same time that the “Ex-Series” campaign was launched. The articles author gives a lengthy description about how God thinks sex is a good thing, and masturbation is a sin.

You know what I love? The fact that God knows that sex is a good thing makes me want to stop typing and do a tap dance and a cartwheel! In fact, He’s the One that created it! And it wasn’t a mistake! He did it on purpose, as a gift for His children to enjoy! Imagine God before the foundation of the world, creating an orgasm?!!!!!

Oh.. My.. GOD!!! The image of You creating an orgasm is now permanently imprinted in my mind! I don’t want to know the meaning of life. I just want to ask God, “How did that feel?”.

Masturbation is what I’d like to call, tormenting pleasure. The three second blissful orgasm achieved by masturbation is just as much tormenting as it is pleasurable. Because God never created solo sex. Masturbation often promises the…

Wait. Hold on. So your whole argument is that God never created solo sex? I was under the impression that God created everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!!! What about that monkey sitting somewhere right now curiously yanking on his peter. Will he not be blessed with a pass through the pearly gates of monkey heaven?
 

 

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